Saturday, October 5, 2024

Drown Yourself in Rum



 
Drunk, snarling pirate holding bottle of rum.

 ""Arrrrrrrr!" - Bahamas AI art
©A. Derek Catalano
 
 
 Drown Yourself in Rum

When the sky is gray and the clouds hang low,
And the winds of life have ceased to blow,
When your boss is a tyrant, your job’s a bore,
And you're sick of staring at the office floor—
It’s time, my friend, for a noble quest,
To seek a liquid that’s truly the best.
So forget your worries, pack up that glum,
And take a plunge—drown yourself in rum.

Once upon a ship on the open sea,
Sailed Captain Morgan wild and free.
With a bottle in hand and a heart full of cheer,
He’d shout, “Rum for all! It’s the greatest of beer!”
His crew would cheer with a rowdy song,
And the parrots would squawk, “We’ve been drunk all along!”
From Tortuga to Port Royal, his fame was spread,
For rum, dear matey, goes straight to your head.

A sip of the dark stuff, warm like the sun,
Isn’t that how all good battles are won?
Whether you’re plundering gold or feeling dumb,
Just hoist up your flag and drown yourself in rum.
 
Now, maybe you’re trapped in a cubicle cage,
With spreadsheets and emails, and minimum wage.
Your tie’s too tight, and your soul feels numb,
But fear not, brave worker—there’s always rum.
Pour a little nip in your coffee mug,
Let it dance on your tongue like a warm, sweet hug.
Soon the office will seem like a tropical bay,
And Sharon from HR will start to sway.

You’ll imagine yourself on a white sandy shore,
With no budget reports or meetings to bore.
So why not slip out of the daily humdrum,
And take a deep dive—drown yourself in rum.

Oh, love is a battlefield, we all know it’s true,
She left with your cat, and your heart’s broken too.
You sent fifty texts and got no reply,
Now you're eating cold pizza and asking “Why?”
But wait, don’t despair, there’s a cure that’s quite fun—
It’s golden and bottled, my friend, it’s called rum!

It’s sweeter than memories, smoother than tears,
And it won’t ever ghost you or trigger your fears.
Pour out a shot, let the sorrow release,
Feel the warmth of Caribbean peace.
Soon you’ll forget that she left with your pet,
And maybe by then, you’ll be over her yet.
For when romance goes stale and you feel like a bum,
Remember, dear heart, you can drown yourself in rum.

At parties or bars, rum’s your best friend,
It turns small talk to laughter, stiff nights to a trend.
No one cares if you’re shy or clumsy,
When you’ve got a Mai Tai or a daiquiri handy.
Just wave to the bartender, shout, “Fill her up!”
And soon you’ll be dancing, with anyone in the club.

Rum doesn’t judge if your moves are obscene—
It’ll spin you around like a salsa machine.
You’ll make friends with strangers, flirt without fear,
When rum’s in your system, the whole world’s your peer.
So lift up that glass and feel the fun hum,
Say it with me now: Drown yourself in rum!

But alas, dear friend, as the dawn starts to break,
You’ll feel like you’ve wrestled a giant sea snake.
Your head will pound like a cannonball blast,
And you’ll wonder how long this misery will last.
The rum, once your savior, now turns on its charm,
By leaving you stranded with head pain like a bomb.

The sunlight’s too bright, your mouth tastes like doom,
Your bed feels like it’s spinning around the whole room.
But fear not, you soldier—you’ll soon be restored,
With spicy souse, coffee, and sleep as reward.
For every great sailor who’s had too much fun,
Knows the curse and the blessing of drowning in rum.

So whether you’re mourning or making a toast,
To rum, we owe the greatest of boasts.
It’s been there for pirates, for poets, for kings,
For lost lovers, broke workers, and all sorts of things.
It whispers adventure, it laughs at despair,
It brings you to life when you just couldn’t care.

But beware, my dear friend, of drinking too deep,
Or rum will sneak in and steal all your sleep.
Yet in moderation, it’s a sweet, golden drum—
So grab your glass, mate, and drown yourself in rum.

So here’s to the nights when we dream and we dance,
When life’s troubles shrink and we seize every chance.
May your glass never empty, your mood never glum—
Let’s raise it, my friend, and drown ourselves in rum!
 
 
(Note: This a only a satirical poem. I don't drink nor encourage drinking. - Derek)


©A. Derek Catalano/ChatGPT
 
Related article:  Alcohol Abuse in The Bahamas: A Comprehensive Report
Related poem: I Don't Like Rum