"Bertram and the Square Grouper" - Bahamas AI art
©A. Derek Catalano
Bertram and the Square Grouper
Bertram Lowe, a middle aged fisherman in The Bahamas, was out in his dingy boat on the sea fishing when he spotted an object floating on the water. He approached it cautiously and discovered it was a bale of marijuana wrapped and tightly sealed in plastic, fresh and undamaged. A big square grouper. It must have just recently been in the sea. Probably lost overboard somehow.
Bertram was happy and afraid too, because he was sure the marijuana belonged to drug traffickers who would want it back. Nevertheless he pulled it aboard and covered it with the tarpaulin he kept onboard that he used to cover up with just in case it rained when he is out fishing. He sped home with the surprise catch being careful not to be seen and buried it in the bushes by his home, not reporting his find to the police with the hopes that maybe he could make a lot of money from it.
That night as Bertram tried to sleep his mind was working overtime imagining all the money he would be able to make from the bale of marijuana, him being just a poor, lowly fisherman. Finally he managed to fall asleep.
However, little did Bertram know that he was indeed seen by someone when he was burying the bale in the bushes. It was the local island bully and badman Steadman "Bruiser" Cox who was in the bushes at that time catching crabs.
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The next morning when Bertram awoke he didn't even wash his face or drink his usual cup of dillseed tea but instead rushed straight into the bushes where he buried the bale of marijuana and found nothing but a big empty hole. His mind reeled in shock. What was he to do now? Who could have taken the bale? But he had an idea just who it might be...Steadman "Bruiser" Cox. This was just the kind of thing Bruiser was always mixed up in and had already spent time in jail for drug dealing on the island. Bertram needed to put together a plan to get the bale of marijuana back and without anyone knowing.
Bertram gathered himself, went back inside his home, washed his face, drank his cup of dillseed tea and then grabbed his recently sharpened cutlass. He would pay a visit to Bruiser.
As Bertram walked down the unpaved island road to Bruiser, Miss Mable was rocking on her porch and asked him where he was going early in the morning with his cutlass. "I gern weedin'" was his only reply and continued walking until he arrived at Bruiser's dilapidated, clapboard house.
"Bruiser!" he shouted still standing in the road. "Who dat is?" replied Bruiser. "You know who dis is. Where my tings?" asked Bertram. "What tings?" said Bruiser. "You know what tings and I want it back now!" demanded Bertram.
Bertram heard a shuffling inside the house and then Bruiser, a tall, heavyset man, opened his front door and stepped onto his rickety porch holding his shotgun that he used for for pigeon shooting.
"Yea I take it. So what you could do 'bout it? You better get from 'roun' my house if you know what good for you Bertram" warned Bruiser.
Bertram saw the shotgun and took two steps back. He raised his cutlass and pointed it at Bruiser and said, "You stay right dere den. You can't take my tings just like dat. I gon fix you good" and turned and walked away fuming.
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Bertram went back home and put up his cutlass and then walked to the corner bar and sat down and had a few drinks of Rat Bat and water to try calm his nerves and put together a plan.
Soon two suspicious strangers walked into the bar eyeing everyone.
"Who dey is?" Bertram asked Al Longley, the bartender. "I een know. I een never see dem before" replied Al softly with caution in his voice.
The two strangers were dressed in all black with solemn, stern faces and looked like foreigners, possibly Cubans. They approached the bar and sat right next to where Bertram was seated.
Al looked at them a little timid and said, "G' day gents. What'll you have?"
"Two cold beers" one of them said with a Spanish accent. Al got two ice cold Kaliks out of the floor freezer behind the bar, opened them and passed them to the strangers. They took a gulp and the one seated next to Bertram turned directly to him and stared him dead in the face with unblinking eyes.
"You a fisherman right?" he asked. Bertram almost pissed his pants. Who were these two strangers and how did they know he was a fisherman?
"Well, sometimes" replied Bertram.
"You went out yesterday?" asked the stranger. "Oh no, not yesterday. My boat broke down." he lied. The stranger glared at Bertram with dark, steely eyes and a straight, emotionless face.
He turned to his partner and they spoke to each other in Spanish. They then took their beers and walked out angrily.
Al and Bertram watched the strangers leave and then looked at each other. "What gern on Bertram?" Al asked. "I een know" said Bertram. "But dey sound like dey know you Bertram." said Al
"Who me? Dey een know me an' I een know dem. I een know who da hell dey is. Firs' time I ever see dem in my life" said Bertram. But Al was puzzled. "You in some kinda trouble?" he asked. "I een in no trouble. You know me. I does keep to myself and mind my own business". Which was true because Bertram was an upstanding, law abiding citizen and went to church every Sunday. But deep down inside Bertram knew he was definitely dealing with something very dangerous. He finished off his Rat Bat and quickly walked back home.
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When Bertram arrived outside his house something just didn't feel right. His senses were tingling. He slowly walked up the steps onto his porch glancing left and right over his shoulders looking for something but what he did not know. He pushed open his front door and was shocked to see one of the strange men from the bar seated in his frontroom.
"Welcome home senor" the stranger said. "Come inside". Bertram frighteningly stepped inside and the other stranger who was standing behind the door closed it and then the world went dark for Bertram.
He awoke a few minutes later with water splashed on his face. He was tied and bound to the old wooden chair by the dining table. One stranger stood behind him with his hands on Bertram's shoulders and the other was in front of him holding a handgun with a silencer.
"Senor Bertram" said the one with the gun. "I think you have something that belongs to us, no?"
Bertram was still a little dazed and confused and had a headache after being struck on the head by the stranger behind him at the front door.
"I don't know what you talkin' 'bout!" shouted Bertram. The stranger gave Bertram two hard slaps in the face and said "Si senor Bertram. I think you know exactly what I am talking about. Where is the bale?"
"What bale?"
Wap, wap. Two more slaps.
"You do not want to make this hard for us senor Bertram. It will not end well for you" the stranger warned. "Now where is it?" he shouted.
Bertram weighed his options. Should he hold out and keep quiet or maybe possibly lose his life? He decided it was best to live, even without his valuable prized bale of marijuana. It didn't matter now anyhow because it was taken from him. Bertram chose to spill the beans.
He explained that yes he was indeed out fishing the previous day when he found the bale floating on the sea. He told how he buried it in the bushes but when he went to retrieve it this morning it was gone leaving just an empty hole in the ground. He told them of how he suspected Steadman "Bruiser" Cox might have it because he a was the island bully and badman and was always in trouble with the law. He told of how he visited Bruiser and that he admitted he had taken the bale.
The strangers looked at each other, spoke in Spanish and then asked Bertram where could they find Bruiser. "Way down the road in the old wooden house with the rickety porch" Bertram promptly replied.
The two strangers were satisfied with this new information and walked out the door leaving Bertram still tied and bound to the chair.
They jumped in a golf cart they had rented earlier and drove away.
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Soon they arrived at Bruiser's house.
"Senor Bruiser!" the stranger called from in the road.
"Who dat?" Bruiser answered from inside. "Come outside senor. We need to talk".
Bruiser parted the window curtain and peered out. He saw the two unknown men dressed in black. Who were they he asked himself, but he knew it was sure to have something to do with the bale. Again he grabbed his shotgun, opened his front door and stepped outside.
"Who da hell yall is?" he asked angrily.
"Oh, don't be so angry senor Bruiser. You know who we are. We are the owners"
"Owners hey? Well own dis!" Bruiser lifted his shotgun and aimed at the men but they were too quick for him. They both dropped to one knee at the same time pulling out their guns with silencers and put two bullets in Bruisers chest right there on the porch killing him instantly. Bruiser hit the porch floor like a bag of cement with his eyes still wide open in shock.
The men in black rushed forward, stepped over Bruiser and searched the house. They found nothing inside. They then went outside in the backyard and saw an old storage shed with a rusty lock on the door. One of the men took his gun and shot the lock open. They stepped into the dark shed and saw what they were looking for. Up against the back wall was the bale of marijuana still wrapped and sealed in plastic.
The two men grabbed the ends of the bale, lifted it and hurriedly took it out to the golf cart and put it on the back. One drove while the other held it in place from falling off again like how it had fallen off their powerboat before into the sea.
They drove down to a secluded track road to the beach where they had their boat tied to an old unused dock. Quickly they put their illegal goods on board, took off speeding and were never seen again.
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In the meantime back at his house Bertram Lowe had managed to free himself from his ropes. He put his hand to the back of his head and felt a kamaole bump where he was hit from behind and winced in pain. He stood up and staggered to the front door holding on to the door frame to steady himself.
As he stood there he saw the other islanders in the settlement running past heading down the road towards where Bruiser lived. Bertram pulled himself together and headed out walking quickly following them. Soon he arrived at Bruiser's place where a crowd had gathered, including the local police constable and the island nurse.
The nurse was bending over Bruiser checking his pulse. She turned to the constable standing by and said "He's dead". A quiet hush fell over the inquisitive crowd. The constable turned to them and asked aloud, "Anyone know what happen here?" No one answered. Bertram knew what had happened but he also knew it was better he kept his mouth shut. If he was found to be mixed up in this it could possibly land him in jail for not reporting the discovery of the bale to the police in the first place.
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Bertram returned home after everything had settled down. He cooked himself a small pot of yellow grits and ate it along with a can of sardines. It was the first thing he had eaten all day.
Bertram was happy and afraid too, because he was sure the marijuana belonged to drug traffickers who would want it back. Nevertheless he pulled it aboard and covered it with the tarpaulin he kept onboard that he used to cover up with just in case it rained when he is out fishing. He sped home with the surprise catch being careful not to be seen and buried it in the bushes by his home, not reporting his find to the police with the hopes that maybe he could make a lot of money from it.
That night as Bertram tried to sleep his mind was working overtime imagining all the money he would be able to make from the bale of marijuana, him being just a poor, lowly fisherman. Finally he managed to fall asleep.
However, little did Bertram know that he was indeed seen by someone when he was burying the bale in the bushes. It was the local island bully and badman Steadman "Bruiser" Cox who was in the bushes at that time catching crabs.
-----------------------------------------
The next morning when Bertram awoke he didn't even wash his face or drink his usual cup of dillseed tea but instead rushed straight into the bushes where he buried the bale of marijuana and found nothing but a big empty hole. His mind reeled in shock. What was he to do now? Who could have taken the bale? But he had an idea just who it might be...Steadman "Bruiser" Cox. This was just the kind of thing Bruiser was always mixed up in and had already spent time in jail for drug dealing on the island. Bertram needed to put together a plan to get the bale of marijuana back and without anyone knowing.
Bertram gathered himself, went back inside his home, washed his face, drank his cup of dillseed tea and then grabbed his recently sharpened cutlass. He would pay a visit to Bruiser.
As Bertram walked down the unpaved island road to Bruiser, Miss Mable was rocking on her porch and asked him where he was going early in the morning with his cutlass. "I gern weedin'" was his only reply and continued walking until he arrived at Bruiser's dilapidated, clapboard house.
"Bruiser!" he shouted still standing in the road. "Who dat is?" replied Bruiser. "You know who dis is. Where my tings?" asked Bertram. "What tings?" said Bruiser. "You know what tings and I want it back now!" demanded Bertram.
Bertram heard a shuffling inside the house and then Bruiser, a tall, heavyset man, opened his front door and stepped onto his rickety porch holding his shotgun that he used for for pigeon shooting.
"Yea I take it. So what you could do 'bout it? You better get from 'roun' my house if you know what good for you Bertram" warned Bruiser.
Bertram saw the shotgun and took two steps back. He raised his cutlass and pointed it at Bruiser and said, "You stay right dere den. You can't take my tings just like dat. I gon fix you good" and turned and walked away fuming.
------------------------------------------
Bertram went back home and put up his cutlass and then walked to the corner bar and sat down and had a few drinks of Rat Bat and water to try calm his nerves and put together a plan.
Soon two suspicious strangers walked into the bar eyeing everyone.
"Who dey is?" Bertram asked Al Longley, the bartender. "I een know. I een never see dem before" replied Al softly with caution in his voice.
The two strangers were dressed in all black with solemn, stern faces and looked like foreigners, possibly Cubans. They approached the bar and sat right next to where Bertram was seated.
Al looked at them a little timid and said, "G' day gents. What'll you have?"
"Two cold beers" one of them said with a Spanish accent. Al got two ice cold Kaliks out of the floor freezer behind the bar, opened them and passed them to the strangers. They took a gulp and the one seated next to Bertram turned directly to him and stared him dead in the face with unblinking eyes.
"You a fisherman right?" he asked. Bertram almost pissed his pants. Who were these two strangers and how did they know he was a fisherman?
"Well, sometimes" replied Bertram.
"You went out yesterday?" asked the stranger. "Oh no, not yesterday. My boat broke down." he lied. The stranger glared at Bertram with dark, steely eyes and a straight, emotionless face.
He turned to his partner and they spoke to each other in Spanish. They then took their beers and walked out angrily.
Al and Bertram watched the strangers leave and then looked at each other. "What gern on Bertram?" Al asked. "I een know" said Bertram. "But dey sound like dey know you Bertram." said Al
"Who me? Dey een know me an' I een know dem. I een know who da hell dey is. Firs' time I ever see dem in my life" said Bertram. But Al was puzzled. "You in some kinda trouble?" he asked. "I een in no trouble. You know me. I does keep to myself and mind my own business". Which was true because Bertram was an upstanding, law abiding citizen and went to church every Sunday. But deep down inside Bertram knew he was definitely dealing with something very dangerous. He finished off his Rat Bat and quickly walked back home.
-------------------------------------------
When Bertram arrived outside his house something just didn't feel right. His senses were tingling. He slowly walked up the steps onto his porch glancing left and right over his shoulders looking for something but what he did not know. He pushed open his front door and was shocked to see one of the strange men from the bar seated in his frontroom.
"Welcome home senor" the stranger said. "Come inside". Bertram frighteningly stepped inside and the other stranger who was standing behind the door closed it and then the world went dark for Bertram.
He awoke a few minutes later with water splashed on his face. He was tied and bound to the old wooden chair by the dining table. One stranger stood behind him with his hands on Bertram's shoulders and the other was in front of him holding a handgun with a silencer.
"Senor Bertram" said the one with the gun. "I think you have something that belongs to us, no?"
Bertram was still a little dazed and confused and had a headache after being struck on the head by the stranger behind him at the front door.
"I don't know what you talkin' 'bout!" shouted Bertram. The stranger gave Bertram two hard slaps in the face and said "Si senor Bertram. I think you know exactly what I am talking about. Where is the bale?"
"What bale?"
Wap, wap. Two more slaps.
"You do not want to make this hard for us senor Bertram. It will not end well for you" the stranger warned. "Now where is it?" he shouted.
Bertram weighed his options. Should he hold out and keep quiet or maybe possibly lose his life? He decided it was best to live, even without his valuable prized bale of marijuana. It didn't matter now anyhow because it was taken from him. Bertram chose to spill the beans.
He explained that yes he was indeed out fishing the previous day when he found the bale floating on the sea. He told how he buried it in the bushes but when he went to retrieve it this morning it was gone leaving just an empty hole in the ground. He told them of how he suspected Steadman "Bruiser" Cox might have it because he a was the island bully and badman and was always in trouble with the law. He told of how he visited Bruiser and that he admitted he had taken the bale.
The strangers looked at each other, spoke in Spanish and then asked Bertram where could they find Bruiser. "Way down the road in the old wooden house with the rickety porch" Bertram promptly replied.
The two strangers were satisfied with this new information and walked out the door leaving Bertram still tied and bound to the chair.
They jumped in a golf cart they had rented earlier and drove away.
-------------------------------------------
Soon they arrived at Bruiser's house.
"Senor Bruiser!" the stranger called from in the road.
"Who dat?" Bruiser answered from inside. "Come outside senor. We need to talk".
Bruiser parted the window curtain and peered out. He saw the two unknown men dressed in black. Who were they he asked himself, but he knew it was sure to have something to do with the bale. Again he grabbed his shotgun, opened his front door and stepped outside.
"Who da hell yall is?" he asked angrily.
"Oh, don't be so angry senor Bruiser. You know who we are. We are the owners"
"Owners hey? Well own dis!" Bruiser lifted his shotgun and aimed at the men but they were too quick for him. They both dropped to one knee at the same time pulling out their guns with silencers and put two bullets in Bruisers chest right there on the porch killing him instantly. Bruiser hit the porch floor like a bag of cement with his eyes still wide open in shock.
The men in black rushed forward, stepped over Bruiser and searched the house. They found nothing inside. They then went outside in the backyard and saw an old storage shed with a rusty lock on the door. One of the men took his gun and shot the lock open. They stepped into the dark shed and saw what they were looking for. Up against the back wall was the bale of marijuana still wrapped and sealed in plastic.
The two men grabbed the ends of the bale, lifted it and hurriedly took it out to the golf cart and put it on the back. One drove while the other held it in place from falling off again like how it had fallen off their powerboat before into the sea.
They drove down to a secluded track road to the beach where they had their boat tied to an old unused dock. Quickly they put their illegal goods on board, took off speeding and were never seen again.
-----------------------------------------------
In the meantime back at his house Bertram Lowe had managed to free himself from his ropes. He put his hand to the back of his head and felt a kamaole bump where he was hit from behind and winced in pain. He stood up and staggered to the front door holding on to the door frame to steady himself.
As he stood there he saw the other islanders in the settlement running past heading down the road towards where Bruiser lived. Bertram pulled himself together and headed out walking quickly following them. Soon he arrived at Bruiser's place where a crowd had gathered, including the local police constable and the island nurse.
The nurse was bending over Bruiser checking his pulse. She turned to the constable standing by and said "He's dead". A quiet hush fell over the inquisitive crowd. The constable turned to them and asked aloud, "Anyone know what happen here?" No one answered. Bertram knew what had happened but he also knew it was better he kept his mouth shut. If he was found to be mixed up in this it could possibly land him in jail for not reporting the discovery of the bale to the police in the first place.
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Bertram returned home after everything had settled down. He cooked himself a small pot of yellow grits and ate it along with a can of sardines. It was the first thing he had eaten all day.
Afterwards he clasped his hands together, closed his eyes and prayed thanking the Lord for sparing him through this frightening, life threatening ordeal.
He also promised that he would never, ever catch a square grouper again and if he did he would throw it back.
He also promised that he would never, ever catch a square grouper again and if he did he would throw it back.
Amen.
©A. Derek Catalano - No AI assistance
